For the past 24 years, I have had the privilege of working as a therapist with children and teens with autism and their families. Over the years, I have learned that effective therapy begins with something simple but incredibly important: connection.
Children and teens with autism are often asked to navigate a world that does not always make sense to them. They may experience challenges with communication, social interaction, emotional regulation, flexibility, sensory processing, or understanding the perspectives of others. At the same time, they may hear “no” frequently throughout the day, are redirected from behaviors that adults find challenging, or feel that they are constantly being corrected.
Therapy should be a place where a child can experience something different. It should be a place where they feel understood, successful, accepted, and safe enough to practice new skills.
Play Therapy: Building a Relationship Through Connection
One of the most valuable tools I use in my work is play therapy. Play provides children with a natural language for expressing themselves, connecting with others, and learning.
For many children with autism, therapy can become an opportunity to step away from the constant experience of hearing “no” or being told what they should be doing differently. Instead, we can enter their world, follow their interests, and build a relationship around activities they enjoy.
Through play, I can help a child experience success while gently introducing opportunities to practice flexibility, communication, problem-solving, and emotional regulation. Rather than focusing solely on correcting behavior, we can focus on understanding what the child is communicating and helping them develop skills that will make everyday life easier. This connection through play builds a strong therapeutic relationship.
That therapeutic relationship matters. When children feel connected to their therapist and experience therapy as a positive and supportive environment, they are often more willing to take risks, try something new, tolerate frustration, and learn from mistakes.
Building Social Skills
Social skills involve much more than simply teaching a child how to “make friends.” They include understanding emotions, noticing how another person may be feeling, taking turns, sharing interests, tolerating frustration, and recognizing that another person is also having an experience that matters.
In therapy, I work with children and teens on identifying emotions in themselves and others and developing greater awareness of social cues. We may use play, games, role-playing, stories, or real-life situations to explore questions such as: How do you think that person feels? What might they be thinking? What could you do next?
We can also work on play skills and the give-and-take that makes interactions enjoyable for everyone. A child may have a favorite game or activity, but learning to consider another person’s ideas and preferences can help them develop more reciprocal relationships.
Social development is not about making a child conform or changing who they are. It is about giving them additional tools so they can communicate their needs, understand others, navigate social situations, and develop relationships that are meaningful to them.
Strengthening Coping and Emotional Regulation Skills
Another important area of my work is helping children and teens understand and manage their emotions.
Before a child can effectively use a coping strategy, they need to recognize what is happening inside their body and understand what their emotions are communicating. We may begin by using a simple scale to help a child identify the intensity of an emotion—for example, recognizing the difference between feeling slightly frustrated and becoming extremely overwhelmed.
We also explore triggers and help children identify their individual physiological signs of agitation. Perhaps their heart begins beating faster, their muscles become tense, their voice changes, or they feel the need to move or withdraw. Recognizing these early signals can give a child an opportunity to use a coping strategy before emotions become overwhelming.
Together, we can strengthen coping skills that are already effective and introduce new strategies that fit the individual child. These might include taking a break, using movement, breathing, sensory supports, asking for help, communicating a need, or using another personalized strategy.
Just as importantly, I help children and teens learn to share their internal experiences. Being able to communicate “I’m getting overwhelmed,” “I need a break,” or “I’m frustrated and don’t know what to do” can be transformative. It gives the child a way to seek support rather than having their distress communicate for them.
Helping Children Feel Successful
After 24 years of working with children and teens with autism, I continue to believe that autism therapy should be grounded in respect, patience, and genuine connection.
Every child has strengths, interests, preferences, and a unique way of experiencing the world. My role is to meet each child where they are, build on their strengths, and help them develop skills that support greater confidence and independence.
Whether we are sitting on the floor playing a game, practicing social skills, identifying emotions, or learning how to recognize the first signs of frustration, the goal remains the same: to help children feel understood while giving them the tools to better understand themselves and connect with the people around them.