Working with children and teens with ADHD is never boring. It is an often exciting, emotionally charged, adventurous and an ever-changing experience. Seeing the strengths that these clients bring allows me to have a perspective that many adults in their lives may miss. Children with ADHD are not just a set of problems that need to be solved. They are not just a collection of struggles, needs and challenges. They bring a set of unique strengths that are often undervalued, especially during the elementary and high school years, where sitting still and listening are the expectations. The following 5 tips will assist parents in building a meaningful connection with their children and teens with ADHD.
Prioritize Times of 1 on 1 Connection
Change the dynamic from that of constant correction, negative feedback and advice giving to one of shared experiences of fun, laughter and exploration. This can’t be all of the time but it needs to be a consistent part of your relationship. As a parent you will automatically find yourself in the role of prompter, corrected and lecturer. It takes mindful intention to create consistent times of connection and enjoyment with your ADHD child.
The keys are to meet your child in their interests, allow them to choose the activity and avoid the trap of asking questions. Your goal as a parent during these times is to observe, reflect what you notice (positives and neutral things only), and to be curious about what your child enjoys and who they are as a person. It is a great time to make reflective statements, “You are really good at this game” or “You really like this restaurant a lot.” It is also a great time to just sit, listen and allow for silences. When connections feel natural and your child begins to open up, sharing emotions and engaging in positive times together can become the highlight of both of your weeks.
Praise the Positives
Shoot for a 5 to 1 ratio of positive interactions versus constructive criticisms and advice giving. This sends a message that your child is mostly doing well with life, that everything is moving in the right direction and also that there are a few tweaks needed at times. People need to feel that they can succeed and that they are mostly doing well, not that their life is a total disaster in need of a complete overhaul. The is the key to creating effective behavior change. There must be positive momentum, a feeling that they are doing mostly well overall.
Be a Stable, Logical, and Supportive Foundation
Redirections, corrections and prompting is necessary but it is important to come from a place of calm stability. It can be firm and required, but it is not helpful if it is emotional or has a feeling of stress and instability. Anger, anxiety and tearfulness will often only increase anxiety and exacerbate symptoms of ADHD in your child. It is important for parents to seek their own support in order to process the emotions that they are experiencing on this journey. It is generally not helpful to seek that support from your child.
Increase the Potential for Success in the Environment
Have predictable routines and schedules that your child will come to expect. Give instructions in small steps rather than large, vague categories or multiple steps. Instead of “clean your room” try “make your bed” or “pick up your laundry.” Gain eye contact before giving an instruction and speak slowly and clearly. Encourage healthy sleep and eating habits. Utilize visual schedules and encourage your child to use reminders or schedules more and more for themselves.
Make Time for Self-Care
As a parent of a child or teen with ADHD you are their most important support system. By getting the support you need, having enjoyable outlets, utilizing exercise and practicing healthy sleep and eating habits you can be the best support possible to your child. You are pacing yourself for a marathon, not running a sprint. Plan accordingly and keep yourself in as positive of a place as possible so that you are able to provide the patients, support and encouragement that your child needs in order to thrive.
If you are interested in learning more about parenting your child with ADHD, ADHD therapy, or to receive further support and guidance, please contact us via the contact button below.