I recently saw a social media post about a woman artist in 1974 named Marina Abramovic who conducted an experiment. She stood still in a room for 6 hours while allowing people to use any of the 72 objects laid out for audience use with no restrictions. These items ranged from a rose, feathers, honey, and bread, to scissors, nails, and even a loaded gun .
It was called Rhythm O and took place in Italy. Her goal was to be passive while the audience was invited to use whatever they wished. In the beginning, people used soft items such as flowers and displayed warmth towards her. But as time passed on, some audience members became aggressive and began using items to pierce her skin, cut her clothes, and sexually assault her. It ended when someone pointed the loaded gun to her head while other audience members tried to stop him.
Seeing her facial expressions and reading the accounts of what happened were concerning yet intriguing. While this type of extreme art may bring up many different feelings for people, it’s important to understand the takeaways this artistic experiment showed us about boundaries.
Her experiment begs the question, without healthy boundaries and consequences or accountability, what can happen? What are people capable of when there are no boundaries, consequences or accountability?
The Importance of Boundaries and Consequences
When we assume that people always have our best interest at heart or that they should know how to treat us, we engage in the same boundary-less and consequence-less behavior that this artist showed us. When boundaries are not communicated, in essence, you implying that there are no rules. You are now vulnerable to behaviors that could hurt you physically, emotionally, sexually, or spiritually. Anything is fair game without boundaries.
Boundaries simply let people know how to have a relationship with you. They communicate what you are okay with and what you are not okay with. This does not mean that all boundaries have to remain rigid at all times. At times we may be called to compromises or meet someone in the middle. Case by case situations sometimes call for flexible boundaries. Yet in other cases, boundaries are most helpful when they are firm. Particularly when you are dealing with someone who doesn’t recognize or respect boundaries or they have a pattern of pushing or crossing boundaries, such as narcissists.
Learning Your Own Boundaries
Knowing your boundaries and being able to communicate them requires you to know yourself first. What do you want? What helps you thrive and feel good? What causes your brain and nervous system to move into survival mode (fight, flight, freeze, fawn)? What behaviors do not feel good to you? What behaviors or patterns of behaviors cause you distress? What are you available for? What are you not available for? These are all critical questions to ask yourself and then listen for or observe the answers. That’s how you get to your boundaries.
Once you are clear on your boundaries, give yourself permission to communicate them and implement them. You have every right to let others know what is okay with you and what is not. The fallout that can occur is what terrifies most people and prevents communication and implementation. However, the potential fallout or disruption to the interactions/relationship is exactly why the boundaries were needed in the first place. The fear of the potential fallout that may occur is what keeps you stuck in a pattern that doesn’t allow for your needs. These patterns always take a toll on the person whose boundaries are not being implemented or respected.
Having Healthier Relationships Moving Forward
Potential fallout may cause you great discomfort or create a shift in your life you did not want, but these situations are temporary. In the bigger picture, you will ultimately feel supported, loved and protected by your self and the people who truly care about you. More people will show up in your life who are the energetic match for the love and respect you now feel for yourself. Your nervous system, your spirit, your physical body will all feel more peace. And there is no price on peace.
If you are wondering if your boundaries need more attention or would you like help in creating them, especially if you’ve been a victim of narcissistic abuse and are curious about narcissistic abuse therapy, please feel free to contact me via the button below.