Most people look at me like I’m crazy when I tell them how much I enjoy working with adolescents. As long as I have worked in the mental heath field (since I was 22 years old!), I have always worked with teens. I didn’t just start working with teens because that’s what was available or I happened to fall into it. I work with teenagers because I truly and deeply love being their therapist and walking alongside them in one of life’s most unique stages.
Adolescence is a tough time that carries heavy loads.
Teens are often wrecked with anxiety about everything from grades to peers to their future. They experience an insurmountable amount of pressure through the constant influence of social media that previous generations never had to manage during these sensitive years. Their brains are rapidly growing as are their bodies although they are always left feeling that they are somehow behind or not good enough. Insecurities plague them at every turn and they often feel alone and misunderstood.
Yet, along with that heavy load, teens are absolutely brilliant in so many ways.
They learn varying coping strategies to deal with life challenges (that may or may not be the most helpful but are coping strategies nonetheless), their brains are able to stretch and grow like no other stage in life, and they understand things far better than adults give them credit for.
The teen clients I see are some of the most insightful, introspective and caring human beings I have had the pleasure of meeting. They have the best and most sarcastic senses of humor in addition to refreshing perspectives. Of course, they don’t often put these hidden aspects of themselves on display for everyone to see, but it is often what I get to experience in the therapy room and I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything.
What Teens Gain from Therapy
After all of these years of seeing teen clients, I started to really look at why teens enjoy coming to our therapy sessions for as long as they do. Long after the therapeutic goals are met, most of my teens insist on continuing the sessions. I have seen clients who started out as small children celebrate getting to drive themselves to my office for the first time. I have been alongside my clients’ journeys from elementary or middle school to getting ready to leave for college. I have seen first dances, proms, college acceptance and rejection letters, first jobs, losing best friends, parent divorces, moving schools, first kisses, first break-ups and everything else you can imagine that would embody the teen stage. Every now and then I get the sweetest updates from clients (or their parents) who are now navigating the adult world. All of these warm my heart deeply and bring a profound sense of gratitude for our time together.
Why Teens Share More with Their Therapist
My therapist brain often can’t stop wondering and analyzing why the rapport and relationship I build with my teen clients is so strong, enduring and trustworthy. Why do I get to hear about major life milestones or challenges before a parent or even a peer at times? Why do they feel so comfortable? What allows them to actually want to come back and see me week after week? Why do I get to see and hear their inner world that nobody else has access to? What creates such a sense of safety that they divulge everything? Why do I get the privilege of truly knowing who they are, what their hopes and dreams are and what their biggest fears are?
Here are the top three attributes of our therapeutic relationships that I believe contribute the most to the strong bonds and trust my teen clients feel in the therapy room:
- No judgment. What teens fear the most is judgment and this is something I never, ever do with my teen clients. Even when they make choices that anger their parents or disappoint their teachers or cause the teen to be in harm’s way, I never judge them. I have heard the absolute wildest stories from my teen clients and I never make conclusions about them or their friends or judge the choices they make.
- I allow life to teach them the necessary lessons, not me. Every situation and choice is a learning opportunity. Some of the consequences they face may be harder than if they had made other choices, and that’s hard to see, but I also strongly believe this is the stage of life that’s critical for them to experience real world consequences. We don’t have to reiterate things they already know or are already experiencing with the natural consequences of their choices.
- I respect them. I respect their beliefs, their viewpoints and their outlooks. Respect does not mean the same thing as agreement. Even if I believe their perspective is not as helpful as it could be or there is a distortion in it, I may ask to explore it more together but I continue to always respect them.
I believe these are some of the unique attributes of the therapy relationship and why most of my teen clients thoroughly enjoy coming to the sessions. They like knowing that someone deeply knows them without judgment, criticism or frustration. They feel heard and understood in a way that other relationships can’t provide. As a therapist, I’m not their friend and I’m not their parent. I’m a safe place where they can open up and explore aspects of themselves that they would like to improve. I don’t try to fix things or give them solutions to their problems. Instead we talk, we explore, we analyze together. I collaborate with them to find the next best step they can take or if their choices are aligning with their values (or what their values are in the first place). They learn how critical healthy boundaries are, not because I tell them, but because in sessions they were able to see and feel the consequences of not having boundaries. They can discover who they are without the pressure of who everyone else around them wants or needs them to be.
The therapy relationship is unique and valued for all of these reasons and many more. So if you’re curious about therapy for your teenager, contact me to see if I would be the best fit.